Estimated Read Time: 5 minutes
What's the purpose of this article?
I don't know about you but I think loving ourselves will create a much more happy and fulfilled life than not. Plus, there's no better way to get what you really want in life than to start with love, gratitude, and making yourself feel good.
This blog series will help you if:
- You are dissatisfied with your life and believe you can do better or
- You had a less-than-perfect-childhood when growing up
Introduction - The Contrast. The Different Ways We Show Hate for Ourselves
It takes a lot to finally admit that you've been behaving in a way that makes it look as though you genuinely hate yourself.
That’s not really true. It's just that you were never taught to love yourself and so, by default, you kind of have no choice. Well, you have a choice, but it's one that must be made consciously. Because subconsciously your behavior is going to mimic that of a person who does not like himself (and, therefore, hates or dislikes himself).
When we do not act lovingly toward ourselves, the result is a life filled with unpleasantness. It is a roller coaster of seemingly unpredictable occurrences. Luckily, good days do occur. And this happens for a lot of reasons. In general and at our core, we all want to have good lives and positive experiences and we typically always have a good motive at heart. This innate optimistic foundation (even if it is only one that expects consistent progress or evolution) is present at the base of all of us and that is very beneficial for us, particularly those of us who have gone through periods of consistent negative thinking.
A heart programmed for good experiences cannot, however, override persistent stinking thinking. In this case, after a period of time, those thoughts penetrate the mind on a very deep level that is increasingly so and thoughts begin to transform into beliefs which then become visible externally in the experience we are having from day-to-day.
A negative self image
Having anything other than greatness in mind when you look in the mirror is an imbalance. Unfortunately, the media, gossip, and every hurtful thing we did to one another as children, finding a person who naturally still has their original positive self image (and wasn't raised in the jungle by Wolf) is almost impossible. That is, unless the person has been diligent in effort toward rebuilding the image of self and has made a decision to have a consistent, positive youth and expect nothing but greatness and forward movement is a long-term view of their decisions.
A cluttered mind
A cluttered mind is one of many things that causes dissatisfaction orbiting a person's aura. The absence of clarity creates chaos and nothing joyful can come from a mind filled with chaos. The chaotic thoughts escape mind in the form of a physical vibration and attract chaotic experiences unless they are deliberately manhandled and controlled. Dedicated efforts must be made to quiet the mind and allow the positive flow of energy to take over. The fabulous news is, as soon as these changes occur in the mind, they occur in the experience. And as long as the mind remains in good health, the positive experiences will continue to flourish.
Self-sabotaging behavior
The reasons why people become accustomed to pain vary greatly but nearly all of them were generated from childhood experiences. Even when experiences that are good attempt to command, a person who has been consumed and surrounded by paying for an extended period of time can unknowingly, and sometimes uncontrollably, override those good things with rebellious action.
The most common form of self-sabotaging behavior is getting into a pattern of failure and not allowing yourself to escape even when the opportunity presents itself. You may want that change more than anything but if you haven't acknowledged that there is or used to be something within you that made you afraid to try to win and you make a conscious decision to go ahead and be afraid to try anyway, the desire for change will be smothered by the overriding energy of the requirement to fail.
The simple acknowledgment of the existence of this programmatic bug is all it takes to begin to turn the tide.
By acknowledging that old behavior, since it is such a visible behavior once recognized, the individual will sort of 'wake up' and begin to make different choices. The reason for this is that, no matter how deep old pains go, once a person realizes that they are purposely causing themselves pain, they will do what they can to make a change. They may catch themselves slipping every now and again because the sabotage became such an automatic response, but before long they will find themselves catching it immediately be able to create a newer, more self-serving habit. That is all that is required in order to achieve victory.
Indecisiveness
This is the worst of them all. It is the worst because, on the one hand,' I'm only being inactive because I don't know what to do.' On the other hand, the busyness of life can make it seem all right to remain indecisive for long period of time. Responsibilities, family, commitments, these can all create an environment where time literally slips away and before you know it, it's been indecisive for three years or more and, deep inside you're ultra pissed off because life hasn't gone the way you wanted to in a very long time.
But the truth is, it could have. You chose not to make a choice and therefore, got nothing. Consider yourself lucky, it could definitely have gone worse.
To resolve indecisiveness, begin by recognizing that whatever decision you make today can be unmade tomorrow. The important thing is to begin flowing in a direction, no matter what direction it is, towards something that you believe will create a lovely life for yourself. Even if you only do one thing each day that brings you great joy but takes you in the direction of achieving a passion of your heart, that small bit of action will build and grow into a happier life experience than the years where no decision was made.
Hearing the words to "hate oneself" is a harsh and direct statement that we often equate solely with physical self-harm. However, it's emotional form is much more damaging long-term. The great news is, even though most of us were not taught to love ourselves, doing so is a very simple task. It begins with forgiveness, advances with a bit of lightening up, and makes a great crescendo when we make self-discovery revelations such as these begin to take hold: "only those who have been hurt before tend to cause hurt to others," "people always make the best decisions that they know how to make in the moment that they make them," and "you don't have to be like anyone else, you are an original."
When we realize that the majority of the things we've been perceiving as things that cause us to feel less enthusiastic about who we are were really just misunderstandings and moments of miscommunication in which a decision to simply ask for clarification, the power that those instances have over us began to dissipate and we are free to see things more clearly. In clarity, there is peace. In peace we find higher truths. And from higher truths, we are able to experience higher thoughts. And those higher thoughts will consistently bring us back to love.
And don't worry or feel guilty if you recognize a couple of these self-hating tell-tell signs. I've experienced every single one of them at some point in my life, sometimes all of them at once (that was an unproductive two years). But if I hadn't, how could I be here telling you to watch out for them? And if you hadn't, how would you be able to raise better children, friends, and networks by helping them to also recognize the signs? You couldn't. So the most important thing is that you're here, ready to make the change and do something about it. So, keep going. You can do this.
Read Step One: Laying Down The Gauntlet
No comments
Post a Comment